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THE BORING ASTRONAUT
written by French Stewart
directed by French Stewart (eps. 1-11)
& Julia Griswold (eps. 7-14)
technical direction by Suze Campagna
There's not enough space.
15 Episodes
Original Run: 11 Eps, 11/15/14 - 3/7/15
Playoffs Run: 4 Eps, 4/4/15, 4/18/15 - 5/2/15 |
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SUMMARY: Mike is a highly trained astronaut who is
going on the first moon mission since 1972, a very prestigious
and high-profile assignment that will make him a national hero.
However, he's horrified to find that to get the public
interested, he will be accompanied by Brian, a complete moron
who won his spot on the mission in a radio contest. Not a
contest to build a radio... a morning drivetime radio show
contest where the pudding-headed and very annoying Brian was the
13th caller. |
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Photos by Marian
Gonzalez |
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SUMMARY: Project head Gene insists that Mike do
something about his wife, Karen, who Gene thinks is crazy and
will garner
negative publicity for the moon mission with her unstable
behavior. Mike calls her as she's about to sing some
karaoke. She is clearly kind of emotionally unstable, but
really, she just doesn't want her husband to leave. As she
sings "Blackhole Sun," Mike forcefully tells Gene never to talk
about his wife like that again. "Don't go," implores
Karen. |
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Photos by Marian
Gonzalez |
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SUMMARY: Brian stinks up the cabin by microwaving a
fish sandwich, much to Mike's ire. He then takes a call
from his girl, the ebullient Tammy, who is also his cousin.
And his sister. And a hermaphrodite (her almost-functional
"nubbin" is her "secret treasure"). Mike insults them, but
Brian admits he's terrified of them impending mission. He
thought he was winning Eddie Money tickets on the radio.
Also, he actually microwaved TWO fish sandwiches... one for
Mike. Mike, chastened by Brian's thoughtfulness and moved
by his sudden vulnerability, apologizes for his comments about
Tammy. As an Eddie Money song comes on the radio, Brian
and Tammy imagine themselves together. |
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SUMMARY: Mike's getting annoyed with Brian again,
and is then unexpectedly visited in the capsule by Meatloaf and
the ghost of Eddie Money, though it turns out that Eddie Money
is, in fact, actually alive. Nothing quite seems to be
making sense. Mike calls his wife Karen... who tells him
he's having a stroke. As Mike's dialogue dissolves into
word salad, Karen tells Mike she's sending him her "heart part."
A naked angel arrives and puts her hands on Mike and Karen's
hearts, joining them so he can feel his wife's love. She
begs him to come home to Baltimore, where she can take care of
him. |
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SUMMARY: Mike's stroke turns his speech into word
salad, though he insists as clearly as he can manage that he's
fine. An exhausted Gene goes to Denny's for breakfast, where he
is rude to Donna, the waiter. Gene grouses about his
problems, but Donna couldn't care less. The two get into
an argument; she thinks he's a "NASA choad" who is wasting money
that could be spent on the poor, but Gene, who is being even
more abrasively rude than usual, thinks giving the poor money is
a waste because they'll just lose it all, and points out all the
benefits and advances that space travel has made possible.
However, it's Christmas, and Gene finally softens when Donna
says it's her birthday. She's working on her birthday, on
Christmas, while some aging babysitter, a stranger, takes care
of her learning-disabled son. Life's given her the
sort end of the stick and she feels like she doesn't matter as a
human being. Gene says it's his birthday too, and he'd
come there to get a free breakfast. Donna brings them each
a slice of birthday cake, and as the two unexpectedly bond, the
Naked Angel arrives. As she places her hands on each of
their hearts, they kiss. |
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Photos by Marian
Gonzalez |
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SUMMARY: It's almost time for the launch, but first
Mike and Brian must meet with President Obama for a televised
address. Gene is worried about the astronauts embarrassing
NASA on live television - Brian for obvious reasons, and Mike
because although he seems recovered from his stroke (which Mike
insists was a panic attack), there's a danger of a relapse.
The President gives an inspiring speech, then comes to meet the
astronauts... and it is Mike who makes the faux pas, lapsing
into stroke-victim scrambled speech that seems insulting to the
President. Finally, it's time for lift off, and despite
all the misgivings, Mike and Brian are headed for the moon. |
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SUMMARY: While Mike and Brian imagine better times
at home in the arms of Karen and Tammy, Donna and Gene try to
comfort Donna's learning disabled son, Chucky, a gentle giant
who simply rocks back and forth, not looking anybody in the eye,
his hands clutching the air spasmodically when they're not being
held by Donna and Gene. Elsewhere, the Naked Angel is
slowly dressed in an elegant outfit by another Naked Angel, and
the ensemble is topped with a tiara. But no sooner is the
tiara placed upon her head than a signal is heard. She is
quickly stripped again of everything but the tiara, and both
Angels appear to Chucky, now alone in his room, and put their
hands on his heart. Chucky is suddenly calmed; a new light
appears in his previously dead eyes, and he stands and strides
from the room with new confidence. |
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SUMMARY: Karen and Tammy are somehow aboard the
capsule. Brian and Tammy make out while Karen plays sax.
And then Brian asks Mike to make out. Mike refuses,
hurting Brian's feelings. Mike calls Gene to complain, but
Gene doesn't seem to think Mike should have an issue with this.
Suddenly Mike realizes that he's had another stroke and is
hallucinating... and Karen tells him that if he kisses Brian,
he's really kissing her. "Kiss me, hugby," she pleads.
The Naked Angels arrive - and Mike finds himself drawn to Brian,
with whom he begins passionately making out. |
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Photos by Marian
Gonzalez |
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SUMMARY: It's time for an HR review, though Brian
isn't available as he's on a space walk... well, okay, he's
actually uncontrollably shitting his pants. Before they
can get started, legendary early astronaut Major JD "Bobcat"
Ketchum has more than a few words to say about his heyday... and
some other random, inappropriate trivia from his long and
storied life. When the review finally begins, NASA's HR
rep, Sheldon Kemp, is rude and dismissive, prompting Mike and
Gene to vigorously defend Brian. |
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SUMMARY: Karen, Tammy and Donna hang out, talking
about the things they love about their men, while Major Ketchum
passes unwarranted judgment on them. Chucky has been
transformed by his encounter with the Naked Angels, both his
mind and his heart expanded a thousandfold - a multitalented
genius (he prepares everyone a gourmet meal) who loves everyone
in his life with an intense richness. And that love
extends to 99 seat theater. (For more information on that,
visit ilove99.org.) |
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Photos by Marian
Gonzalez |
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SUMMARY: President Obama makes a speech about how
even "goobers" can accomplish great things, after
which Mike awakens to find that Brian has given him an unwanted
makeover by shaving half his beard, putting some of his hair
into tiny pigtails, and putting outrageous makeup on his face. He calls Gene to complain,
and finds himself in a conversation about how everybody wants to
gang bang Donna. After much confusion and strange
conversation, Mike finally figures out that he's having yet
another stroke-fueled hallucination. |
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Photos by Marian
Gonzalez |
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EPISODE TWELVE (4/4/15)
- PLAYOFFS ROUND 1!
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SUMMARY: When hermaphrodite Tammy tells Brian that
she accidentally had sex with herself while riding her bicycle,
Brian feels betrayed that she cheated on him, and sadly declares
their relationship over. An upset Tammy declares that
she'll press charges against herself for the non-consensual
sexual self-encounter, and, before running off in tears, tells
Brian that she hopes he'll say something nice about her to the
judge. |
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Photos by Marian
Gonzalez |
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EPISODE THIRTEEN (4/18/15)
- PLAYOFFS ROUND 2!
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SUMMARY: Brian himself puts Tammy on "trial" for
cheating on him with herself. Tammy, goaded beyond
endurance, tells Brian that she's planning on doing it again -
on purpose this time. Also, Brian reveals that he has a
vestigial twin named Kevin in his butthole. Meanwhile, Karen calls Mike, who,
due to his stroke, is having trouble remembering her face. |
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EPISODE FOURTEEN (4/25/15)
- PLAYOFFS ROUND 3!
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SUMMARY: Tammy and Karen get together to soothe
their aching hearts. When Tammy learns that Brian's been
secretly letting Kevin kiss Mike at night while Mike sleeps -
much to Mike's disgust - Tammy accuses Brian of cheating on her,
having a three way with Kevin and Mike. Meanwhile, Sheldon
interrupts to tell everyone he doesn't care about all this
drama; he just wants Mike and Brian to get to the moon already.
And Mike has yet another stroke, causing Karen to worry. |
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EPISODE FIFTEEN (5/2/15)
- PLAYOFFS ROUND 4!
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SUMMARY: Brian more or less traumatizes Mike by
having him make "friends" with Kevin, the partially-formed twin who
lives in Brian's butt. Gene only cares about
one thing: tomorrow's moon landing, the first in 40 years.
Brian attempts to film a "The More You Know" spot, but can't
finish as he keeps shitting his pants. Mike then gets a
call from a distraught Karen, who says she's done something
terrible; she doesn't know how to be when he's not there, and
her smarts start to "leak." She hopes he can fix what
she's done. The Naked Angels arrive, holding hands to
connect Mike and Karen across the distance. "I can see
you," he says. |
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CAST |
Eric Curtis
Johnson |
Mike (Eps.
1-9, 11 & 13-15) |
Michael Lanahan |
Brian Funch (Eps.
1 & 3-4, 6-8 & 11-15) |
Bruno Oliver |
Uncle Gene (Eps.
1-9 & 11-15) |
Vanessa Claire Stewart |
Karen (Eps.
2, 4, 7-8 & 10-11) |
Dana DeRuyck |
Karen (Eps.
13-15) |
Lauren Van Kruin |
Tammy Funch (Eps.
3-4, 7-8 & 10-14) |
Joe Fria |
Eddie Money (Ep.
4) |
Scott Leggett |
Meatloaf (Ep.
4) |
Lisa Anne
Nicolai |
The Naked Angel (Eps.
4-5, 7-8 & 10-12) |
Cj Merriman |
Donna (Eps.
5, 7 & 10-11) |
KJ Middlebrooks |
Barack Obama (Eps.
6 & 11) |
Natalie Rose |
The Naked
Co-Worker (Eps.
7-8 & 10-12) |
Abraham Benrubi |
Chucky (Eps.
7 & 10) |
Pat Towne |
Sheldon Kemp (Eps.
9, 11 & 14) |
Leon Russom |
Major JD "Bobcat"
Ketchum (Eps.
9-11) |
Paul Plunkett |
Voice of Kevin (Ep.
15) |
Music by Zachary Bernstein (Eps.
5 & 10) |
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